I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
it's great music for shaving your balls
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
