So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
In America we eat man semen.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
