I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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