My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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