No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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