dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
