Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
