literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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