Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
