I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize