"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
