Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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