I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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