I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
