can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
