Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I forget how to act sober
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
