please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
