Nicole vs. Life
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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