why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
