She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
