So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
