We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
