Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
the night ended with taco bell and tears
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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