He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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