Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
