im drinking this country out of the recession.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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