Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
