Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize