Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
