I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
