she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
