Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
