Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
