I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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