Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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