i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
