What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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