Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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