I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
