If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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