Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
