I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Randomize
