It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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