You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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