the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
