I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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