I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
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Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
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It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
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