she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
