My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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