I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
