you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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