She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
