The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
