There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
