Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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