You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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