i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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