My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
