I molested 6 butterflies tonight
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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