Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Is it because I queefed?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
