dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
