This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
she looked like the before picture.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
