There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
