yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
