Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
