College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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