She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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