I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
