Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
