you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
