Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
