Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I could fuck to npr.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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