1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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