I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
