Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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