I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
