I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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