my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
