I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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