did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
