You don't have asthma, your pregnant
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize