I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
