did you get engaged???
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.