do you believe in love at first sight?
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?