White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
