so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.